I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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