is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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