so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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