My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
