could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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