I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
