I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
