So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
