it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
