For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I lost the right to judge tonight
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
