i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
