ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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