You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
