so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
this is an emotional support booty call
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
