Pappa wants mamma naked
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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