i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
