What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
