you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
