I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
