the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
