Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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