I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
