like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
