meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
