honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Green mimosas i think yes
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
