me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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