Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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