Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
