We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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