Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
