Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
