Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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