It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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