this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
