Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize