the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
