Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How does one acquire holy water?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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