are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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