winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
