Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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