I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
