we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
