the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize