Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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