Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i already hear my dad disowning me
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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