I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
