So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
