I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize