JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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