Umm I'm too high to move.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
