i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize