My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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