I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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