I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
