I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
