i just sent this text using only my big toe
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
