they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
