We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
