It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
