the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
