Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
