How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
