I'm so fucking centered right now
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
