I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
