there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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