Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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