i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My penis needs a shock collar
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
