i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
