Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
