I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
