If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
