So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
