so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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