1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
