Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
