I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
