I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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