id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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