apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
