awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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