my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
