Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
