He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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