May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
