so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
