It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
