ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Someone came in the potted fern
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize