I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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