Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
