I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
