Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize