I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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