Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
