Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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