You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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