I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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