Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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