what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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